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  • Porn Review reviews porn games (w/ links for your viewing pleasure)


    So this is a thing now: Hi, I’m Porn Review, and as the name implies, I will be reviewing porn games from sources like Itch.io, gamcore, and possibly more. It should be noted that I won't try to review visual novels, as they are closer to adult picture books rather than games. If it offers choices though, it's a game. I do this because I think it’s funny, i am bored, and honestly I haven't seen anyone else do it. Everything I write should be taken as my opinion (duh), and disagreements will occur (also duh). If you don’t give a fuck what I think, but want to play alot of porn games (I don’t blame you), the link will always be at the end. I would love to hear others opinions as well, so feel free to comment.

  • #2


    To start, I shall review Tales of Androgyny (ToA), a game made by the Majalis team, and downloadable on Itch.io. ToA is an RPG where the majority of the characters and enemies are chicks with dicks. In it, you play Hiro, a male character who is some kind of hero (as the name implies), and is probably on some type of quest, but the game doesn’t confirm or deny that (at least in the non patron version).

    At the start, you are greeted by a tutorial guy telling you about the game, as well as the combat system. To be completely honest, you can skip this whole thing, as the combat system is so broken that you can win almost every fight without ever actually interacting with the “stance system”. You are then told to select a mode, but if you are not a patron there is one choice, iron man or not iron man. On your first run its alot better to go not iron man, but overall the only way to get anywhere on the first run is to cheese the game, so it really doesn't matter. Then it asks to pick a class and here is where the gameplay becomes trash. You have 6 choices, each with their own abilities, but only 2 of them are actually feasible to play: warrior, or mage. If you pick anything other than mage on your first run, you are already having a bad time. Buff your magic as much as you can, and any extra int charisma, and click next. Then go to magic, and get combat fire. Congrats, that one skill at its max will allow you to kill any enemy from the base stance. Welcome to easy mode. If you picked any character type that isn’t mage, welcome to hell. You then get to customize your character, but nothing other than name and race actually matters, because all pictures and scenes will just show the base character. Races offer buffs, and once again only two of them are any good pick elf for a long game, and pick orc to starve to death, but easily beat stat checks, and god are there alot of those. At this point all there is left to do is save and go kill or be killed by enemies. Being killed by them generally offers more pictures than killing them, with the only victory scenes being gob female, Reg harpy, and if you actually beat the two vampire sisters (which is almost impossible). Losing generally offers a scene of your semi-femine character getting fucked, and sometimes and animation.

    The gameplay aspect of ToA is ridiculously broken. If you are a mage in a fight, spam combat fire for a 99% chance to win. If you are anything else, avoid combat as much as possible, as defeat is almost guaranteed. The biggest threat is starvation, which will randomly decide to end your game or not if your food bar reaches 0%. The only real way to get the bar up is food caches, found randomly, or sleeping at an inn over and over, which takes a bit of time, and relies on the fact you found money randomly out in the world. Even more fun is the unstoppable grapple system, where if an enemy decides to just grapple over and over, or perform a sexual act mid fight, its unstoppable and cancels your attack for that turn (unless you use low attack, which occasionally hits). You can get out of this, but most A.I. just do it again. If it continues, you can't end the fight, especially if your strength is too high, as the enemy will never be able to finish the grapple (an advantage of mage is that the enemy will actually be able to finish the grapple move, and then you can finish the fight). If you aren't a low strength character and this happens, the only option is to quit and reload, and hope you saved recently, as there is no autosave.

    The saving grace of this game is the H-scenes, which are quite good if you can get over the fact it is your character getting fucked in most of them. There is a gallery available at the start menu (called pervert), but not all scenes appear there for some reason, so it is occasionally worth it to save before going into a place where a picture will actually be. The progress menu will also tell you of scenes you missed, but it considers story mode scenes and non picture scenes as well, so there is no 100% completion for non patrons.

    Overall, most of the game is a disappointment. If you want to be the badass hero who gives but never receives, it might as well be a text based game. If you are ok always receiving, then most enemies have actual art attached to them. It seems like the Majalis team intends to add more “top” scenes, but of 0.2.18.0, there is very little to offer. Overall its worth a few hours of play time, but not worth the 62 hours i actually put in.


    Ratings:

    Non h-gameplay: 3/10

    H-scenes: 7/10

    Glitch patching: 9/10

    Free Story: 1/10

    Overall enjoyment: 6/10


    Link for Itch.io: https://majalis.itch.io/tales-of-androgyny
    Last edited by Porn Review; 01-01-2020, 12:19 AM.

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    • #3

      Adam and Gaia (A&G) is a DND style (mostly) text based adventure where you play “adam”: the last man left alive of any species after a war between elves and humans got so heated that the elves pretty much Halo ringed everyone with a Y chromosome. As the last man alive, Gaia: the mother goddess, gives you a single sentence quest. “Don't let life die out”. From there you can either choose to only let humans live, or breed with a ridiculous amount of non-human species.

      Gameplay wise it is pretty simple: go to place, click explore or farm mats, read event that will repeat at least 100 more times, make a choice, possibly battle an enemy or build some shit, and then restart at step one. At the start, there are 5 places on the world map (a 6th exists after playing for a little, and talking to the sphinx in the ruins- tower location, solve her riddles and she opens the 6th place). If you skipped the opening essay on the game, she can repeat the basics for you again, as well as give you your goal, or you can skip her shit too and just seek hedonistic desires. There is also a season cycle, and during winter only preserved food can be kept and ate during this season. Preserved food can be produced either by the character, mice women, bee women, and by your human children who you have already “tamed”. You also can get different gear, but they are just improvements, and there is no benefit in getting a weapon or armor that is lesser than what you already have. The best gear is the armor and weapons of gaia, but everything can be done without them. Gear is gotten by just exploring and getting lucky, and most areas have their own set of gear, so you might have to play for a long time to get anything good. Other than that, build habitats for monster girls, capture them, upgrade habitats, breed the brood mother, explore and that is 80% of the game. The other 20% lies in special events, which seem to be percent wise more common than the other events, but at least they don't repeat 100 times. Special events require a specific input to get what you want (either a new human girl, or new species of monster girl), and sometimes it is hard to know which one gets you what. Some examples of this is the fairy girl event in the jungle. If you choose to accept her love, you get a permanent energy boost, which is pretty helpful, deny her love, and you get fairies as a new species (seems a bit reversed but ight), or the desert event where the girl roasts mummies, and if you join in, it ends the event.

      The H-scenes for non-humans are pretty simple: either beat a wild non-human and choose breed, capture and then beat and breed, meet a creature in heat and breed, or special event breed. They are all the same no matter what method, but each individual event has a chance to give different pictures, and god are there alot. To be fair, most h-scenes are stolen from some other place, and vary greatly in quality and species. There is also minimal animated pictures spread inbetween to keep you guessing.

      For the human girls, there is a special system in place. Basically, you find them in the wild, obtain them through sometimes extremely long events, and you are then treated to a porn video generally stolen off pornhub. These are not hentai scenes, so generally i just don’t do them. If I wanted to watch Mia Khalifa’s videos (yes there are stolen parts from her videos), I would type in Mia Khalifa on pornhub and binge. Elves follow the same system as humans, but are hentai girls.

      Overall the game takes a quantity over quality approach, and as a result most of the end game is a mess. If you went with the “i wanna fuck every monster girl” approach, there are more species of moster girls (28 species including special ones) than max amount of energy (24 max without energy buff events), and that is before you add the fact that you can have 45 girls of each species (for a total of 1260 monster girls). And even then, you will never be able to see all the stolen photos for them. And then there are the actual humans and elves you get, and before you know it, there is no way to manage all the random events occurring other than just get a shit load of food producers and follow a cycle of some kind. At one point the game becomes incredibly laggy (maybe loading 1260+ picture, and saving 3780+ pictures and videos had something to do with it), and becomes unplayable on mobile, but let's be honest most games do that anyways so... If you can actually figure out how to shift through the holy fuckload of chaos and lag occuring, then the game is pretty fun.


      Ratings:

      Non h-gameplay: 5/10

      H-scenes: 6/10

      Porn scenes: 1/10

      Glitch patching: 7/10

      Free Story: 4/10

      Overall enjoyment: 7/10


      Link to browser version: https://gamcore.com/games/adam_and_gaia

      Link to download (for smart people only, because it bamboozled my ass): https://f95zone.to/threads/adam-and-...eornwahl.6362/

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